I'm Looking at the Mutt in the Mirror

Halloween Fun Time

2007-11-02T15:48:00.000-05:00

I wore some costumes. I went to some parties. I turned 23.

I'm the one in the middle, dressed as a girl character from Animal Crossing. Video game costumes aren't a good idea, because most people won't know what you are. Even if you explain, they still won't know.

Here is the Stevie Nicks costume. This reminds me alot of the "Stevie Nicks' Fajita Roundup" sketch.

Oh yeah, that trip I went on.

2007-05-27T13:30:00.000-05:00

I started this journal entry months ago; January 11, to be exact. I realized I had not described my Disney vacation in written form on the internet, so I thought I would hammer out a quick overview. What good is a life experience if you can't write about it in exhausting detail for all your buddies to read after they tire of looking at Youtube? I soon realized that a "quick overview" of a Disney trip is not possible. I wrote out plenty of inconsequential things, got bored, and quit. I'm here again, and I'm tired of looking at this monster of a blog that is stuck in limbo as a "draft." I'm here to publish the minutia of 6-month-old vacation, whether or not you want to read about it.

So back in December, Adam and I went to Walt Disney World. Ten hours and several bedsores after leaving my house at 3 a.m. we were in sunny Orlando, about 20 minutes away from our resort, when we screwed up big time. You see, we put our trust in Mapquest--a terrible, terrible mistake on our part. A website with the word map in its name that claims to have maps to everything on the planet would seem the obvious place to go when you need a map to something. Don't be fooled. Mapquest told us there was an exit that we needed to take and we found the hard way that this exit does not exist, thus adding an extra hour and a half to our frantic search for the resort. And let me be the first to tell you, Florida's highways are not tourist friendly. That extra hour and a half cost me $6 in tolls. Seemingly every off-ramp in florida costs a buck-fitty to drive on, so if you're planning a vacation and there is a chance you might get lost, put lots of cash in your glove compartment.

Anyhow, we decided to quit using Mapquest, which had totally screwed us at this point, and just follow the big signs that say "Walt Disney World Resort." Those signs bring you right through the blindingly garish town of Kissimmee, which in my opinion is akin to premature ejaculation. Why drive (or fly) all that way just to stop at some distraction before Disney World? This is Mickey, we're talking about, this is Space Mountain. Get your carnival rides outta my face, I've got my eyes on the goal. I have to admit though, I have been to Old Town in Kissimmee, and I did (sorta) enjoy it. To my credit though, I was like 12 and I was forced to go there by all the old people I was with because they were too tired to drive to Disney in two days' time. Ok where was I? Oh yes, after getting lost again in Kissimmee, we finally made it to the All Star Music Resort. Maneuvering into the parking lot was somewhat tricky and almost got us hit by a bus but we made it in one piece to guest parking, where we then had to tango again with two lanes of bus traffic to get to the lobby. By this hour of the day we were exhausted, sweaty, and bedraggled, and wanted nothing more than to drag ourselves into a room and sleep. But, the line in the lobby was long and each guest being waited on had some complicated, lengthy complaint or situation which took forever to solve. We stood in line for 30 minutes listening to the most annoying Spike Jones Christmas songs being played on the loudspeaker over and over again. The lobby was decorated with all kinds of Christmas regalia, but behind the desk where the employees work, there was one sad little menorah that looked terribly out of place. It wasn't even a normal sized one...it was really tiny and it had no candles. It was the only thing on the table in the back, so it kind of looked like it got thrown there after someone didn't know what to do with it. Even though I'm not Jewish, I think it would be more enraging to see a half assed nod to my holiday tradition than none at all. Come to think of it, I really didn't notice any type of Hannukah decorations whatsoever...and that's saying alot because there was even a Kwanzaa celebration at the American Adventure pavillion in Epcot. Whatever...I guess those rumors about Walt being a Nazi sympathizer are true.

We were assigned to the Rock n Roll section and after walking waaaay to the back of the compound, we found that our building looked like something from a John Waters nightmare. Bright pink and baby blue stucco is the first thing I always associate with Rock n Roll. The room was a standard motel type room, except the TV only caught ABC and the Disney Channel. It ruined my plan of watching back-to-back episodes of Rosanne on Nick at Night all week, but the Mickey-shaped towel arrangement and fresh Mickey soaps and shampoos left behind everyday by housekeeping more than made up for that.

Oh, did I mention that at this time both and Adam and I were suffering from a severe cold/flu virus that turned us into walking, talking mucous fountains and caused us to run fever? Yeah, that. We're sick, exhausted and ready to crash in bed. Just as I start to doze off, the family next to us busted into their room and kicked off an all-night shouting match that prevented me from getting any rest. I was jarred awake countless times by the screaming of a toddler, and at midnight, the little brat screams,"I MADE POO-POO, I MADE POO!!!" I was really annoyed and said "I don't give a FUCK! SHUT UP!" I didn't think they could hear me in the next room, but they might have because after that things settled down. I woke up the next day and toured the Magic Kingdom, tired as shit with a terrible headache. (Tomorrow Land smells funny.)

I'm tired of writing about trivialities, but to write about the experience in the park would take too long for my attention span and yours alike. I think it's something everyone should experience at least once in life, including the high prices and minor aggrevations that come along with it. In the end, spending all that cash is worth it. At least for me. I will say that we went during the off-season before Christmas and I highly recommend it. We were able to walk straight on most of the rides with no wait, and the lines we did have to wait in were minimal. There were plenty of Japanese folks, which made people-watching enjoyable and the weather was pretty warm. Fifty percent of overheard conversations were not in English, or in any language I had ever heard before, which was interesting.

Now with that out of the way, I can present to you the Ballad of Jesse and Brenda.

One night we had found a spot by the lake in Epcot so we could watch the fireworks show. This man, his wife and son settled beside us to film and watch the show. The dad looked like a greasy pornographer. He held a camera that looked to be about 15 years old and was taping everything in sight. He taped his son, whose name is Jessie (I know this because he had mouse-ears with "Jessie" embroidered in sloppy cursive) acting silly and being obnoxious. The very frazzled and wrinkled wife stood a good ways behind sucking her cigarette for dear life (smoking is not allowed in the park). Her eyes never blinked. The dad stopped filming Jessie for a second, turned around and pointed the camera at the mom. "Give us a smile, Brenda!" She never quit dragging on the cigarette and her face never changed. Her eyes were so wide and unblinking that you could see the white above her irises. Fireworks show starts and all throughout the thing, Jessie is standing on the rail flailing his arms while the dad says "Good, Jessie, keep conducting the orchestra. Keep moving, Jesse. Bring up the fireworks!" What amazed me about it was this kid looked to be about 10 or 11--way too old to do embarrassing shit like that. I concluded that he was mildly retarded. This performance continued throughout the whole show. I couldn't even hear the Christmas song over the dad's talking. After the show was over, we walked with the other cattle to the exit. About 15 minutes later, still stuck in a human clog before the gates, I see Jessie and his dad running around the gift shops screaming "BRENDA!!!" I guess she bailed on them. Can't say I blame her.

Oh yes, and being herded like cattle several times in the parks has taught me that people LOVE to fart in public.

That's pretty much my experience at Disney, besides all the rides and crap. Those were fun. We might go back again this year, and I hope this time we can save our pennies and afford a hotel with slightly thicker walls.

Police nab the "Bayou Strangler" aka the "Bayou Hamburgerler"

2006-12-06T18:47:00.000-06:00

They finally caught that serial killer. Local crackheads can now sleep soundly. As can local buffet owners.

An excerpt from Crime Library:
"During two days of police questioning, Dominique confessed to murdering and raping 23 men whose bodies have been found in Terrebonne and surrounding parishes, Larpenter said. All of the bodies showed signs of strangulation, suffocation, or some type of asphyxiation death, and most bore subtle indications of bondage.

Dominique preyed on men who were down on their luck and in need of money, investigators said at a Monday press conference. Many of his victims were homeless, jobless, and had no means of transportation other than shoe leather or peddle power. Many of the victims were homosexual, as was Dominique."

You can read the whole story here.

Suck it, PS3.

2006-11-20T17:35:00.000-06:00

Today I'm suffering from a case of Wii Arm.

I think with the release of the Wii, the children's obesity epidemic will taper off slightly, but cases of carpal tunnel and shoulder injuries will rise.

Also, those Miis are so darn creepy.

The Misadventures of Dope

2006-09-14T22:48:00.000-05:00

I'm having a large bout of insomnia right now and one of the recommended techniques for getting drowsy is writing out everything you're thinking about at the time in order to cleanse your mind of anything that might be bothering it. So I'm going to do some free-association.

One of my friends is all messed up on hash brownies and won't answer any of my messages. I hope this person is not dead or injured. I'm probably killing his buzz. Before tonight I underestimated the power of weed. In high school the worst it did to me was make me time travel. And that was only the PCP *in* the pot, not the pot itself. Ahhh "the misadventures of dope." I think I want to tell all these stories now and get them off my chest. This is going to be a really long blog.

Ok so one time V bought this bag of pot from a raver chick at school. We had smoked plenty of times before and were experts at rigging up bongs out of anything we could find around the house. Bet you didn't know that about me in highschool, did you? I'm not proud of it, except when I'm reminiscing. Anyhow, I went to V's house one afternoon after school and we made a bong out of a two liter bottle and other found objects to smoke this new pack. I smoked some and almost immediately after I started getting tunnel vision really bad. I felt like I went through the tunnel and ended up somewhere else. I got really scared and started screaming. V tried to shut me up because her mom was in the front room and would hear me freaking out. I walked backwards from the bathroom into her bedroom and threw myself down on the bed. I was still screaming and couldn't control the volume of anything I said. By now my vision was blurred and doing that crappy delay effect from Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody video. "I've time-travelled back to the '80s!" I screamed. V looked at my eyes and said they were completely black. She thought I was going to die. I'm not sure how long I lay there on the bed but eventually I recovered and we ended up downing Slim Fast and then I got on an exercise bike and pedalled for like two hours before my high eventually wore off. I'm not sure which substance was responsible for that, but it couldn't have been weed.

We didn't always get high at V's house. In fact, the first time I introduced V to weed was at my house when my parents were gone for the weekend. It was April 20th (retarded, I know) and someone had given me a free joint. This was the first time I ever had a joint in my posession and I wasn't completely sure how to act with it. I put it in my pocket and got really paranoid that cops could just sniff it out or that my grandma could tell I had it when she picked me up that day. I smuggled it safely to my empty house and called V over right away. I didn't tell her what I had until about an hour after she got there. I told her to come see what I had in the bathroom and she was reluctant because she thought I was going to show her a turd or something. Then I pulled out the joint and she got really nervous. I think at that point she was very anti-drugs and didn't know how to react to her best friend shoving a joint in her face. She hid those feelings well whenever I said I would just throw it away. "Oh no, don't waste it!" So we smoked it. By the end of the time, she had a pair of tweezers in her hand trying to get every last puff. We thought we might be high and that we should watch BET because the black comedians would be funnier while we were high. No such luck. The only thing that happened was V ate a whole bag of chips and the rest of the ice cream from the freezer, which pretty much wiped out the snack stash in the pantry. I had a tough time explaining that one when my parents came back.

Then there was the time V came over and we smoked while my grandma babysat my baby sister in the next room. We blew the smoke out the window screen but I'm sure she had to have smelled it. Then I made it even more obvious by running up to her with a fistful of wadded up cash and asked, between cackles of laughter, if she could order me a pizza. And even still after the pizza came, V and I were looking through an Oriental Trading magazine and when we came across a lady wearing a flag vest and top hat, we broke out into a stirring rendition of "You're a Grand Old Flag."

A few days after, an armadillo set up shop outside my window. I don't know if those two events are related, but I'd like to think so.

Then there was the time we got caught. I won't go into all the details of that, but let's just say we got a cat high and he ended up ratting us out by opening the door while the vent was on full blast and the smell of smoke wafted out. One of V's parents knew what was going on and the other was totally clueless and thought we might have been lezzing out in the bathroom or something. I'm still puzzled by that.

This blog has served its purpose as I am now very drowsy. I might come back and delete all this because it would be just my luck for someone undesirable to find it. Enjoy it while it's here, kiddies.

Nighty night.

Memory Project

2006-09-05T18:20:00.000-05:00

I just saw this on CBS News and I think it is so amazing.

There is something called the Memory Project in which a man gets American high school students to paint portraits of orphans from Nicaragua. All they have to work with is a photograph and for some reason having to gaze at the face of the child every day builds a special connection. They say the students feel especially connected to the child in the portrait when they paint the eyes. The photo album on cbsnews.com doesn't really do justice to the video they aired, but it's better than nothing. It was so cool to see the kids get really emotional over receiving a portrait of themselves....the guy explained that they never had parents taking baby pictures of them and snapping photos while they were growing up--something we all take for granted--so it really touches them to see someone paying special attention to them as individuals.

I'm so bored!

2006-08-27T02:06:00.000-05:00

I just saw the commercial for Dirge of Cerberus and Gackt's "Redemption" was playing. Wee. Gackt-spotting on a boring Saturday night.

Remember when AMC played horror movies sometimes? I wish they still did. I could go for a scary movie tonight. It will seem more fitting around October though.

I'm going to make a real effort to get into Halloween this year. Last year it was difficult because of the hurricanes and everything. Everyone was still sort of dragging along, trying to get back on track. There were no haunted houses, especially the good ones in New Orleans. Nope. But this year, I'm hoping all the good Halloween hangouts are back with a vengeance. But not literally, because I just want to have fun, not die. Here's to hoping the hurricanes pass us up this year. I hope they pass up Florida too, because if my Disney plans are ruined I'll just go to sleep and not get out of bed for a few months. The only thing that could really ruin my Halloween this year is neglectful parents waiting until friggin 5:30 to come pick up their kids. Which happened last year and I'm pretty sure it's going to happen again. Some people just don't think. If you are going to take your child trick-or-treating you better have then picked up by AT LEAST 5:00 so you can have time to get home, feed them, put them in their costume and get them out there. And heaven forbid the people watching your children have any plans of their own. Last year, I ended up staying with a child until 5:45 and by the time I got home it was nearly impossible to navigate through my neighborhood and into my driveway. Then I had to rush to get into MY costume and get to where I needed to be. My other complaint is that there has been an absence of good Halloween movies on TV during Halloween. I recall the recent movies have been mildly suspenseful and not really Halloweeny....like Bram Stoker's Dracula and Halloween 3. I'm sure cable stations have better cards up their sleeves than those two gems.

Halloween is still a good ways away now, so I'll try to focus on this upcoming week. I need to come up with a list of values and a mission statement for a casino. Research time. I have a feeling that this semester is going to wear on my nerves. I know one class that already does. It doesn't even go towards my major, I just kind of needed the hours, therefore, I resent it. And I'll have to do a paper for it, ew.
I'm still debating in my mind whether to stick with my concentration or move to another. It'll be in the same major, so it's not that big of a deal, but whatever.

I need a Coke right now. BAD.

-_-

2006-08-17T21:05:00.000-05:00

Help.

Summer was too short.

2006-08-01T07:50:00.000-05:00

Myspace is acting like shit lately and I can never get into my account. Once I get the kinks worked out of posting vidoes on blogger, I'm probably going to move all of it over here. I say "probably" but we all know that means "maybe" or "never."

I start back at work on August 8. Summer was too short. I'm hoping the kids behave, but I think that's probably hoping too much. Four of the really annoying ones will be with Jodie for the first hour and a half, so I'm pretty happy about that. That leaves only one potential problem and I'm hoping against all hope that kid is enrolled in another school this year. It's not even because the kid is bad, it's because her mom is a psycho that looks for any excuse to cause trouble with the school. I hope the new principal doesn't put up with parents' ridiculous bullshit.

I used the word hope five times in the last paragraph. 'Tis the year of uncertainty.

Add two more hopes to the heap: Nintendo Wii and Disney World. Two more things to distract me from schoolwork, as if the DS wasn't doing a good enough job already.

Oh damn, if the Wii does come out this year, I can't move out like I planned because I need to save the money. I can see how that conversation would go.

"Grandma, I'm going to be an unnecessary burden on you for another year because I want to buy a new video game system."
"What about all those games you've been buying lately?"
"Those are for the DS."
"What's a DS?"
"Nevermind."
"You still got that Intendo you never play with. By the way, your cousin already graduated and she's got a good job with the state. When did you say you are going to graduate again?"

I realize the Wii is supposed to be pretty cheap, but "cheap" to others equals my whole paycheck.

Hmm...on second thought, I probably shouldn't start blogging exclusively on this site. I never write about anything interesting and at least all the bells and whistles of Myspace distract people from that.

Eat it, Deena.

2006-07-23T01:36:00.000-05:00

After busting my balls forever to get Deena's picture in Animal Crossing, Melba just up and gives me hers for no reason. So now Melba is my best buddy in the world and Deena, you can just suck on it, you frosty hag.

Melba is now #1!!!

Gone, but never forgotten.

2006-06-14T05:58:00.000-05:00

I'm super excited about going to Disney World, so I've been immersing myself in everything Disney (even though the trip is six months away). I've been reading up on all the rides and what's new since I last went. I'm very sad to report that two very kickass rides got shut down. -_- Let's have a moment of silence for 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. They were both very dear to me and although they're long gone, they'll live on forever in my heart. I just shed a tiny tear for Captain Nemo.

Oh yeah....I heard they added a Johnny Depp robot to Pirates of the Caribbean. I hope to God they didn't add an animatronic Eddie Murphy to the Haunted Mansion because that would suck majorly.

"LIES LIES LIES, yeah!"

2006-06-07T18:11:00.000-05:00

This is Jennifer Hagel Smith. She's the one whose husband disappeared from a cruise ship after someone saw a big, bloody smear on the side of the boat. She claims she wasn't drinking very much the night before, but can't remember what she drink or any of the events of the night in question, for that matter. She woke up the next day in a hallway on the opposite side of the boat from her room as someone was dumping her into a wheel chair because she was too messed up to walk. Even though waking up in a strange place after being unconscious despite having very little to drink would alarm and traumatize most normal folks, Jennifer was unfazed. After being brought to her emtpy room by strangers, she continued her day normally and even remembered that she and her husband had an appointment to get a massage. Her husband wasn't anywhere around but she went on her merry way to have the massage and didn't find anything suspicious about her husband's absence from the appointment. I don't feel like narrating the whole incident, but eventually some teenage girl saw the blood and took a picture, then reported it and the cruise people along with Turkish police investigated, but found no evidence and no suspicious characters.

This is where I say, "What. The. Fuck." It's a cruise ship. The killer is SOMEWHERE on the boat. Break out the notepad from the fucking Clue game and get busy.

Anyhow, I didn't start writing this with the intention of talking about the story, as I know it's almost a year old and I didn't even particularly care that someone died on a cruise. What enrages me was that this bitch had the audacity to appear on Oprah and lie. Yes, in my opinion, this woman is full of shit and she's a horrible liar. While I don't think she directly had anything to do with her husband's death, I think she's lying about what she knows and about what happened between them the night of his death. She also had the nerve to try and publicly castrate the presidnt of Royal Caribbean on the show, which pissed me off immensely due to the fact that every claim she made was selfish and had nothing to do with the ineptitude of the cruise line and more to do with the fact that they didn't lick her anus every step of the way. She clearly believes she has a right to celebrity-dom because her husband died. Oprah asked her why she and his family are estranged from each other and she said she thinks it's because she survived and he didn't . Common sense tells us it's just because she's a colossal bitch. I can't say I blame them.

If you think I'm just being harsh....I really recommend watching that episode of Oprah. It's absolutely irritating. I'm not the only person who feels this way either. Here's the Human Lie Detector's opinion on it.

Let's bitch about anything.

2006-06-06T17:09:00.000-05:00

Some residents in St. Bernard Parish are trying to get an ordiance passed that would require people to disguise the stilts at the bottoms of houses on pilings because it will bring down property values and it looks trashy. Geez. Why worry about the pilings on random houses when next door there's a pile of rubble and garbage where the neighbor's house used to be? Also, don't kid yourselves. It's ST. BERNARD PARISH, so quit bitching about property values. All that time you guys spent in St. Tammany served to make you all prissier, I guess. You're living in a flood zone; you're lucky you even got to move back in, so suck it up. The people with houses on stilts are going to have the last laugh this hurricane season. I hope the rest of the snobs will think about that when they're trying to cling for dear life to the beams on their neighbors' home, but can't because the surface of the vinyl siding is too slick.

I've got a middle-aged brain.

2006-06-02T06:12:00.000-05:00

I broke down and bought Brain Age after hearing everyone rave about it. I know I'm a little rusty and I didn't think I'd have a very high score, but I thought I'd get a score within at least 5 years of my actual age. Needless to say I was a little crushed to find out that my brain age is 50. >< Although the concept of the game is pretty neat, it's a little unfair because sometimes my answers don't register right and the game marks them wrong, especially during the math tests. Somehow a written 6 is mistaken for a zero or a four. Whatever, it's just a game. I'm kind of pissed that you can't unlock all the tests right away though. For right now I can only take three tests per day until I unlock a new one. Until then I'll just stick to the Sodoku puzzles (which, might I add, I have been finishing at ~~TRAIN speed~~ make that JET SPEED. cha-ching :D )

I just want to say that...

2006-05-26T18:35:00.000-05:00

Grape Powerade = JOY

It's delicious delicious delicious.

There might be wildlife on Uranus.

2006-05-21T06:46:00.000-05:00

So this kid at work has had pinworms for six months and no one knew about it. In case you didn't know, pinworms are these tiny worms that live in your anus and then crawl out onto your buttcheeks to lay eggs. They are HIGHLY contagious and anywhere from 20-40 percent of the population is infected with them at any given time. This kid has had them for quite some time so just think about how many people she could have infected. SO WHY IS SHE STILL AT SCHOOL??? Don't get me wrong, I feel sorry for the poor kid, but her parents really need to realize how serious that is, and the principal needs to think about the well-being of the other children at school. My skin was crawling all day Friday as I dwelled on this. My co-worker's son is in this kid's class so she called the doctor and asked if she should bring him in to be treated. The woman who answered the phone at the doctor's office said, (and I quote) "Oh, you just have to check his booty-hole with a flashlight." WTF. So apparently these things glow under a flashlight. I DON'T WANT A GLOW WORM IN MY ASS! The more I think about this, the more revolting it becomes. My ass has never itched, and I'm pretty anal (har har) about washing my hands, so I guess that works in my favor. This is a lesson to everyone to wash your hands obsessively and don't chew on your fingers!!! You can also breathe the eggs in but that's not very common, so worrying about that would border on severe paranoia (however, I can admit that I did worry about this somewhat).

Alright, enough of this gross-out blog. I wish I had something more pleasant to talk about, but I don't.

You've got to be shitting me.

2006-05-18T22:49:00.000-05:00

*NSMB SPOILER*

I beat this game in a few hours. And, the final battle with Bowser was easier than any of the other battles against Bowser Jr. If you become Mega-Mario you can just step on Bowser once and the whole thing is over. I was expecting a little more. Whatever. I still plan to play as Luigi and get to all the levels I skipped and all the secret shit I didn't open. I need to replay all the levels and collect the three coins in each one.

With that gripe aside, does anyone else dig the new wave song in world 8-5 and the little dance the goombas and koopas do to it? It's awesome.

That's-a-so-nice-a!

2006-05-18T02:32:00.000-05:00

Tuesday night I ran (didn't walk) to Circuit City to buy the New Super Mario Bros. game. Not only was Circuit City selling it for $8 cheaper than Walmart, but they also threw in these two little guys for free! Awesome!

I must admit though, I was thoroughly sucking at first because I kept falling off shit. Does anyone else find Mario extra slippery in this game? Greasy wop.

I still need to buy Super Princess Peach, but that can wait until after I beat this game. If I ever beat this game.

--Edit--

After playing for awhile I came up with a list of reasons I suck at this:

1) I've died too many times as a result of wall bouncing.
2) I fall off the edges waaaay too much.
3) ~~I can never get all eight of those red coins.~~
4) I can ~~never~~ mostly collect all three star coins.
5) I'm bad at finding secrets that unlock extra levels, and therefore ~~have never been able to try out that cannon thing~~ can't figure out how to get to two of the worlds.

I need to stop being such a massive pussy and get better at this game. I'm losing my edge.

P.S.
Here are some cheats.

Put this in your Wii and play with it.

2006-05-06T21:11:00.000-05:00

Here (here and here) are some lists of games that may or may not come out for the Wii. I guess wii'll see.

Most of them look like rehashings of old shit, save for that Bob Ross game. I'm sorry, but if they release a bunch of zombie-killing games that let you swing the controller around like a lunatic, I won't have much time for painting "happy trees."

That Orb game sounds pretty intriguing though.

Give me a Mesozoic mind.

2006-05-01T05:20:00.000-05:00

It's coming soon. Beware.

(I changed the settings so non-users can comment. Now the whole world can tell me how bad I suck.)

I finally found them...

2006-04-30T02:12:00.000-05:00

...well, a picture of them anyway.

I used to beg my grandma to buy these every time we went to the store. I went through every flavor until I found my favorite (Yoshi). Princess Peach was a close runner up, then Mario. Luigi's drink just sucked big time and I ended up wasting those, pouring them in the garbage can every day at St. Joseph's day camp. I tried to save a few of the cans, but someone threw them away. How is it that my grandma saved cans of Billy Beer, yet she had to throw away my Nintendo cans? Not fair! Anyhow, when Coke started producing its mini-cans, it automatically reminded me of those Nintendo drinks, and I've been harassing people ever since, using outright brutality when necessary, to try and make people remember them. Well I can sleep a little better tonight, content in the knowledge that someone else in the world knows what I'm talking about. And now I have proof so I can share it with the rest of you uninformed retards.

Don't be a movie snob.

2006-04-22T17:17:00.000-05:00

The notion that there are "smart" movies is a false one; if you mean "artsy," then say artsy, but don't confuse those two terms. Ok maybe Bill Nye movies are "smart" because they are educational, but watching the whole Criterion collection will not teach you anything, and it will not inspire anything. Nor will watching _____ (insert name of foreign film here). In most cases, movies are responsible for stifling creativity. Why imagine anything when a movie does it for you? Most movies that I've heard people call "smart" are just stream of consciousness, random jumbles that make absolutely no sense, but are meant to explain some deep, philosophical or intellectual idea, despite numerous plot holes and broken logic. And nobody understands what is going on, but they act like they do because they don't want to appear quaint. It's a case of the emperor's new clothes. However, if the theory is so complex and intelligent, it shouldn't be able to be completely explained and grasped in a two-hour movie. That's what text books are for.

If you want smart, pick up a book. It doesn't even have to be a classic. If it's a shitty book, you're still forced to think about more than you would a movie. It's what teachers have been telling us our whole lives and believe or not, it's true.

Don't take my opinion as a personal affront, movie buffs. I like movies too, but I have no delusions that the movies I like are anything special. I like the worst of the worst and I'm proud that I can admit it unashamedly.

Can this world really be as sad as it seems?

2006-04-18T23:02:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes it is.

When I'm bored and I've run out of uplifting things to read, I'll browse Crime Library. I only do that as a last resort because it's sure to ruin the rest of my night. I don't know why I keep going back and reading these horrible stories; I guess it's the masochist in me. The only words that come to mind after reading about depraved assholes that our justice system doesn't punish severely enough, are these:

"I pray all your days come quickly so that my Christian God will judge you good and proper." --William Cotter, some anonymous commenter on a random blog

I don't know who William Cotter is, but goddamn, he tidily sums up my feelings of disgust.

Crackers are dumb.

2006-04-18T04:52:00.000-05:00

I've noticed an awful lot of neo-Nazis from Britain on Myspace. This leads me to wonder what kind of revisionist history is being taught in British schools. Does the word "blitzkrieg" sound familiar to these people? Hitler was really trying to make England his bitch in World War II and that by itself should suffice to piss these people off enough to hate anything Nazi-related. However, since racism is a symptom of ignorance, I wouldn't be surprised if most of these people have little more than an 8th grade education and limited knowledge of their own country's history.

What ever happened to the punks that go around beating up skin heads? Oh yeah, it's not the '80s anymore, regardless of what this clothing store would have me believe.

Hello, Old Friend.

2006-04-01T03:02:00.000-06:00

[listening to: The Cure--"Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me"]

The great paradox: We all know Myspace is the short bus of the internet, but we all have one. The people with ten million pictures have one out of vanity, the people with ten million friends have one to achieve a false sense of popularity, the people who like to write have one because that's probably the only way anyone will read their blogs, and other people have one for the voyeurism aspect. I claim the latter two. I personally like to spy on people. Voyeurism rocks. I also like to bitch alot and I know people aren't going to read it if it isn't accompanied by a list of interests, a shitload of pictures (including a snazzy portrait that shows off my boobs), a wacky video, and a cool song that totally sums up the essence of my being. Right? Yeah that's right, because once I started blogging on Myspace the number of blog hits a day rose exponentially. I still don't know who the hell is reading my Myspace blogs everyday because the number of hits is greater than the number of people on my friends list. I don't know if it counts multiple hits from the same users, but if that's the case, there's someone out there neglecting their basic needs so they can refresh the blog over and over again. Shit, people. Go do something else.

I did have a point to make, and it's this--once my elementary school students started lying about their age just to have Myspace accounts that display their tasteless musical interests, I knew I had to get away. So here I am. I came crawling back to Blogger like a sorry ex-lover. I'll probably update both Myspace and Blogger in tandem, but I'm not sure. I really should stop trashing up the internet with countless blogs, but I just can't stand to pick up blogging on old ones again. It's like reusing toilet paper. Once I'm finished wiping the shit off, it's no good anymore. I'll probably be eating my words in a month or so. I'll forget about this thing for good and it'll end up a footnote in the long list of things I've started and never developed fully. And before anyone says anything, I didn't forget about the "black and green" blog, I choose not to mess with it because it goes with the Alice in Wonderland-themed site (aka My Crude Experiments with Flash).

Incidentally, I will post nothing of substance here. Sorry to disappoint you, but it will be the same calibur of bitching and moaning that went on/goes on in other places. Just less interesting because it won't be in the context of a mass popularity contest.

I'd like to end this post, as I often do, with something completely irrelevant:

DEENA, YOU ARE #1!

Although she won't give me her damn picture for anything. -_-